As life draws to a close, most people find themselves looking back, not at what they did, but at what they didn’t.
During a recent commencement speech at the University of Pennsylvania, oncologist and author Dr. Siddhartha Mukherjee noted that many people spend their final moments expressing love, asking for forgiveness, and offering gratitude. But they also carry regrets, some quietly, some aloud.
Bronnie Ware, a former palliative care nurse and author of The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, spent eight years caring for terminally ill patients. In that time, she listened closely to what people wished they’d done differently. “There were big lessons in the things they said,” she shared in an interview with The Chris Evans Breakfast Show, via CNBC.
Here are the five regrets Ware heard most often:
- I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
- I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
- I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
- I wish I had let myself be happier.
The first one (failing to live authentically) came up the most. “When people realize their life is almost over, it becomes painfully clear how many dreams they left unrealized,” Ware wrote in a blog post. “Most had not honored even half of their dreams and had to die knowing it was due to choices they made, or didn’t make.”
Sometimes those choices are shaped by external pressure: the degree your parents wanted, the job you took for stability, or the life path that felt more “acceptable” than joyful. Ware urges people to consider their own desires early, and often, before they end up sidelining them entirely.
One of the most common regrets, overworking, continues to be a reality for many. A 2023 Harris Poll found that 78% of American workers are still leaving vacation days unused, often burning themselves out in pursuit of professional success.
But overwork often comes at the cost of connection. Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates admitted this during a 2023 commencement address at Northern Arizona University. “When I was your age, I didn’t believe in weekends. Or vacations. Or time off for anyone, really,” Gates said. “It wasn’t until I became a father that I realized: there’s more to life than work.”
His advice? “Don’t wait as long as I did to learn that lesson. Take time to nurture your relationships. Celebrate your wins. Recover from your losses. And let the people around you do the same.”
Ware echoes that message. The people who felt most at peace at the end of their lives had prioritized joy, love, and personal authenticity. They hadn’t waited to be “less busy” or “more ready.” They had chosen happiness, deliberately.
“Many didn’t realize until the end that happiness is a choice,” Ware wrote. “They stayed stuck in habits, in the ‘comfort’ of the familiar, even as something inside them longed to laugh again, to be silly, to feel free.”
Her final takeaway? “Life is a choice. It is your life. Choose consciously. Choose wisely. Choose honestly. Choose happiness.”
